The limits of acceptance?

If we decide that all people are worthy of acceptance, even as we know that specific behaviors are unacceptable, how would our social and economic structures transform?

Dear friends - this week has gone by quickly, with work and family and tending to the rapidly changing spring landscape. And the world churns on, with too many more reports of violence and loss, of attacks on bodily autonomy and threats to our democracy. In the midst of all this, today’s note reflects on a comment from one of the teenagers in our family.

They are a high school senior, an amazing digital artist and a non-binary lesbian. In our smallish town, this is not always an easy identity to carry. Our high school has, like many, been challenged to keep its LGBTQ+ students safe from harassment and bullying. And, like many, some of the adults in the school have been deeply imperfect in understanding the dynamics of bullying and holding students, and themselves, accountable. Some of the students organized participation in the Day of Silence, an international event designed to highlight the ways our LGBTQ+ youth are marginalized. You can learn more about the Day of Silence here: https://www.glsen.org/dayofsilence

The event included a walkout at the end of the school day. In talking about this over pizza, our teen repeated a comment made by one of the teachers who was unsupportive of the walkout. The teacher seems to have said:

“This school is too accepting.”

A word here: we don’t have any of the context for this comment, nor do we know the person. So this reflection is not about the individual; it’s about the idea.

Can we be “too accepting” of others? Are there boundaries, limits, on the amount of acceptance we are obligated to offer?

Much of our society seems to argue, yes. It orients itself toward protection, toward keeping the “other” outside the zone of acceptance.

And much of our economy seems to exploit limits on acceptance. It demands we purchase goods and services, promising to ensure our acceptance by altering our appearance to “fit in.”

We could, however, decide that all people are worthy of acceptance, even as we know that specific behaviors are unacceptable. How might that high school change, if its adult leaders committed to accepting all students? How might our social and economic structures transform if they were built on acceptance of all?

It’s a question to consider, at least for me, as I am reminded of the beauty of each individual tree in our neighborhood, whether it is tall or short, straight or bent to adapt to the prevailing winds.

Sent, as always, with gratitude for your company on this journey.