9/6/2020 Embracing weakness
This is the weekend we traditionally pause and honor those who labor for a living, and for our living: from farmworkers to mail carriers, from front-line health care providers to teachers (on the frontlines of another kind), from office worker-bees to those who drive our food, clothing, and other needs from one side of this country to the other. We wish for all the enjoyment of the fruits of your labors.
As this last week unfolded, I found myself wondering at the cultural investment in avoiding the appearance of "weakness." Whether listening to why some folks do not want to wear masks, observing the aftermath of the major party conventions, or hearing the thousands and thousands of losses to Covid 19 minimized as simply a sad outcome of age or preexisting conditions, it seems this theme is taking center stage.
We are frequently told that showing weakness is, at the very least, an invitation for someone to do us harm. At most, it is the reason we are harmed. Advice columnists remind us: "they treat you this way because you let them." Children are coached to avoid the behaviors that will "attract" bullies to them, turn them into "targets." Victims of violence are grilled about their movements, clothing, behaviors prior to the incident, for clues as to why the violent actor singled them out. Totalitarian leaders use the language of promoting strength and eliminating weakness to prop up their claims to political power.
This culture has made strength into a virtue in and of itself, not for what it can accomplish when implemented wisely, with compassion. Is it because our busy minds so desperately need to find a way to explain violence and harm, to give us a sense of control? Do our cultural roots in Calvinism and libertarianism tempt us to this line of thought? Or are we subject to the kind of gaslighting so common in abusive situations that puts the blame squarely on the victims? Perhaps a combination of all of these, and more, combine to lead us down this road.
The fetishization of strength comes at a steep cost. We lose the ability to hold those accountable who use their strength (whether physical, economic, political, or military) in ways that harm others. And, we lose the ability to cherish the soft, the small, the giving up of power in and over ourselves and others. We no longer cherish the old or infirm. We give away our humanity, sacrificing it for a narrow, limiting promise of protection by the "strong." It is far too easy to use the fetishization of strength and vilification of weakness to dehumanize others, giving us distance from the harm our actions cause.
Weakness is part of the human condition. If we reject it, we reject our humanity. Embracing the weak, soft, and powerless means embracing humanity. It's that simple. And the power of embracing the full human condition might be the strongest power we can tap into.
We'll need all our collective human compassion in the next two months, and beyond. I am, as always, deeply grateful for your strength, and your softness in receiving these messages.
With love,
Liz