10/11/2020 Empathy and pragmatism
Trying to keep up with all the shifting dramas being depicted in our news can be exhausting. In these weeks leading up to the counting of votes in the 2020 election, we can expect more diversions, distractions, and doom-casting.
Rest, rejuvenate, take care of yourselves. It is critical that we conserve our energies and preserve our health.
This week, the theme of dominance is being played loudly. The fetishization of strength, in its most narrow definition as dominance over something or someone else, is on full display.
In order for this narratives to pull us in, we must first be convinced of our own weakness. We will not resonate with power that seeks dominance if we are rooted in our own power, the power of loving kindness and compassionate understanding. And to convince us we are weak, fear is a useful tool. Give us a monster that is threatening our communities, our families, ourselves, paint a picture of the terrible power of that monster, and we might just turn to a strongman to save us.
So you will hear the language of "monster" and "enemy" used often. You'll hear the language of war, last stands, final battles. You'll be told stories of imminent catastrophe and the crumbling of civilization and culture.
Throughout history, these stories have been told by those who choose to lead based on fear, who do not trust those whom they want to lead, who have lost touch with the power of compassion and love. Misery loves company, and so does fear.
And so does compassion and love. These humanity-enhancing choices are as contagious as fear. Perhaps more so, if we have the true courage and strength to demonstrate them in action.
The other day, on a walk around town, I saw a home displaying a large flag supporting the re-election of the current president. Under the usual design was a startling message: "F*** Your Feelings," proclaimed in large letters. First, it triggered a response of anger, disgust, and contempt. Then it made me laugh, realizing that it held multiple interpretations: the feelings being so rudely dismissed could be mine, as the viewer; or they could be those of the president and vice president, whose names were listed right above the crude message. Always read your headlines out loud, I chuckled to myself.
And then I thought, you know, that might be the most interesting political sign out there. It is a fully-explicit statement of disregard for the experience of others, and a chapter title in the story of strength defined only as dominance.
I'm no saint. Seeing this flag changed my opinion about the people who would fly it. But I also see it as presenting our choice in this election with absolute clarity: we can ally with those who disregard others, or we can ally with those who choose the more complex and courageous path of humanizing everyone.
I'll close with a quote from Arlie Hoschild, the author of "Strangers in their Own Land," and a sociologist of emotion. This is from a 2018 interview (https://onbeing.org/programs/arlie-hochschild-the-deep-stories-of-our-time/), and she is referring to leaders such as Gandhi and Mandela:
"I think we’re at a moment of challenge as a culture, but we’ve been in those moments before. I think it’s time for us to look at leaders who have been real models of repair.... These were people who were not off in their corners, just separating themselves off, but were good at saying, 'Look, there are better angels here. Let’s access them and create public conversation about a problem, see where we can go with it.' Let’s think of those positive leaders and look to them and learn from them because they were real experts in empathy and pragmatism."
Take care, be safe, be well, and thank you for taking this journey of exploring empathy and pragmatism, love and compassion -
Liz